After...

Not my favourite way I've ever rung in the New Year, to be fair.  Everything cleared out and waiting to be shipped to the States.  Good thing I'm heading out to BoD to be with friends, since Kenny left to go out of town and I won't see him again... *sigh*

The Last Day

I came back up to Aberdeen today, and not very happily.  Paige had to jet off early to catch her train to be in Stirling for her class, but I hung around for a while before I caught my train, both at the flat with Hazel, and then in the city.  I love Auld Reekie, the capitol of my adopted homeland.  I wandered around a little once I got into the city, but mainly I just sat and took it all in.  I love this place so much, and will miss it so badly. 

Symbolic

Today was a bad day.  It felt like this:

Everything feels black.  My hopes, dreams, expectations, plans... are dead now.  I know intellectually that there will be light again, that there is a silver lining somewhere, but I am in no place to see it or feel it.  I'm not ready to look for it.  I'm miserable.  I feel like the life I have been living, and the life I want to live, is now over.  What's next but darkness?  I have no idea how to answer that. 

Oh. My. Life.

Yeah, I can look happy now.  This morning I suffered through two of the most intense hours of my life thus far... and I'm so glad that's over! 

The story of the viva will be saved for another time and place.  The emotions will be chronicled here, briefly. 

Beforehand: stage fright. 
During: intimidation, nerves, near-tears twice, some thankfulness.
After: relief (I cried.  From relief.  Brian laughed at me, but not in a mean way.)
Home after: happy happy joy joy! 
Later: disbelief. 
At the party: relief (again), thankfulness (mostly for friends to celebrate with me), giddiness (champagne).
After the party: exhaustion, disbelief, oh-sh*t-what-now, adrenaline crash let-down. 
Bedtime: nervous (again), and the mood swings start... I wonder how long this will last? 

Whatever.  I'm done.  For now, that's got to be enough.  =D

Reflections

I spent a good bit of today at the cinema, trying to redeem yesterday's mishap.  First I saw The Last Exorcism, which went a long way to restoring my faith in so-bad-they're-fun horror films.  It was Blair Witch style, and creepy enough-- but totally over the top, which is what I love.  So I enjoyed it.  But I wouldn't recommend it to most people.  I have odd taste in films. 

While I was waiting for my next film, which was pretty much back-to-back (about twenty minutes in between), I noticed the carpet reflected in the pole.  It looked like confetti.  I think the carpet is cool for a cinema, anyway.  Cheesy, but I like cheese.  So I tried to capture the effect.  It kind of worked.

The film I saw next was Dinner for Schmucks, and I wasn't expecting much because so many of the reviews I'd read about it didn't like it.  It's stupid, they said.  You'd be a schmuck to pay for this, they said.  Way below the usual standard from Rudd and Carrell, they said.  So I was prepared to just be so-so'd.

I didn't expect to love it.  But I did.  I really loved it, and I read the reviews in a completely different light now.  People are jerks, and that's that. 

Which is kind of the point of the film.  There are jerks, and there are idiots, and there are the 'rest of us' somewhere in the middle.  If you haven't seen it, I don't want to give too much away... and I highly recommend it.  It had some hilarious moments, some painfully awkward moments, some very touching moments.  I saw myself in it, and was convicted.  If you have seen it, or if you do see it, I would love to talk with you about it.  It's a remake of a French film from 1989, I think, and now I want to see that.  People complained that the original was a satire, and that this one wasn't funny enough.  But they missed the point completely, in my opinion, and it makes me really sad for our Western culture.  And sad to be a part of it-- I want even more now to be a part of transforming it, or at least transforming the people in it. 

Watch it.  Let me know what you think.  It's my second favourite film of the year, I think. 

Back Where I Belong

So that's a bit of an overstatement, but...

it sure is nice to be back. 

Does What It Says on the Tin

No, really.  It worked!  ;)

I've been using this body wash for a wee while.  I started when I was really pushing to finish my thesis, and I needed to 'keep calm and carry on', as they say.  And it worked!  I finished!  And submitted! 

Of course, now I need to keep calm until my viva... and then until I hear about my visa... or whatever order that may occur in.  And I ran out of body wash.  Naturally.  What am I going to do?!  It's the end of the calming!!  Help, somebody!  Hellllllp! 

Tee hee. 

Sad

Today I'm sad. 

I haven't had a friend leave in a year and a half.  I used to be more used to it, back when people were deserting me every couple of months... but not now.  I'm not used to it at all.  And I don't like it.  Even though I'm happy for people when plans work out, and excited for them and their next adventure, I'm selfish.  I want them to stay.  Here.  With me.  *sigh* 

I haven't really done much today... but I did take a two-hour bath.  With a fancy adult beverage, and music, and a book.  And sugar-cookie smelling bubbles.  It doesn't make up for people leaving me, but it was nice. 

Oooooovcourszhucan

That's one of our catchphrases around here... which comes from the very best Indian take-away place in the world--Khyber Pass.  We used to meet up at the Orchard flat to eat it, when Kristianna/Paige/RitaB lived there... now we have to settle for the common room in Liz's office building (because they aren't so great at remembering orders or student discounts when you have it delivered, and they charge a fee, so we make sure to partake in places that are within walking distance). 

Tonight, because it's the last night we can all spend together before RitaB deserts us for post-grad life at Emory, we had Khyber Pass.  I didn't drag things out by setting up my camera for a self-timed photo when Paige was already doing it, but I hope to get a copy of it.  Basically, it was just the four of us-- like old times: Lynch, Medlock, Ramsay and Vaughan.  We sound like the Marauder's Map... now that's an idea!  Wait, back to the story.  So I don't have a group picture, but I did snap this one of Aleithia and RitaB.  Aleithia couldn't stay, but stopped by to bid farewell to her fellow-historian (those heathens). 

It was a bittersweet night. 

DONE!!!!

Today, I submitted my thesis.  That's me, empty-handed. 

I got very little sleep (like, two hours) because I couldn't stop my brain: what if I've not used someone obvious? what if I forgot something? what if it sucks? what if my formatting is all wrong? what if....?

Then I finally got up and ready, and headed in to Lynch's office.  She let me print out my 252 pages there, using university ink, since the uni had kicked me out of my own office.  I made sure my formatting was as good as I could get it, since uni uses Word 2007 and I don't, and then printed it off.  From there, I headed to the libarry--where I had to be let in and sign the book, since technically my student status expired in May--to get another copy made and turn them both in to the bindery.  The libarry guy was an idiot, and sold me copy cards that I couldn't even use (well, I could use them, but not to use the automatic feed to copy all my 252 pages. Turns out it charges you two copies for each page you don't do manually... what?! Seriously?!)  So after I did about 40 pages manually, because I couldn't stand to have wasted that £30 on copy cards (grrrrr!), I finally gave up and turned it all in to the bindery to finish copying and then bind up in the cheapest and quickest manner possible. 

After that frustration, I went back to collect Lynch and we went for a poddle--through the botanical gardens, around Seaton Park, and back around to uni in time to go pick up the two bound copies.  A little freaky, to hold those 'official' things in hand... and then to Registry, where we waited and waited in line and finally got to turn them in.  The lady was actually very nice, and was excited for me--which is funny, because usually the folks working there are like robots who don't give a darn about the people they are serving.  Lynch took photos, and wrote me a Thesis-submitting song, which she performed on the way back to her office, where we enjoyed Cockroach Clusters and Toffee Cappuccino coffee. 

I highly recommend having a photographer, singer-songwriter, companion walker, and party coordinator when you submit.  All in one person is even better.  Thanks, Lynch! 

Now it's just the wait for the viva...